Bumper Stumpers

11 12 2009

Certain bumper stickers are like certain graphic t-shirts: they look hilarious or cool on the rack in the store but if you actually buy it and wear it you just look like a tool.  You and your buddies might have a good laugh over the “pirates get more booty” t-shirt in the store (I’ll admit, there are sometimes some funny ones out there), but when you wear it in public, people probably aren’t thinking that you must have a good sense of humor.  Same thing for bumper stickers.  Be careful what you put on your car’s butt!

Some bumper stickers are okay, though.  I completely support national flag bumper stickers (as long as there isn’t any text along with it).  Righteous, non-partisan patriotism is always inspiring.  I’m okay with radio station bumper stickers because they often have a function, e.g. radio promotions that give cars with stickers discounted gas or other goodies.  I can also stand by alumni stickers.

Stickers I’m not okay with include the politically inflammatory, ones that include profanity or other inappropriate material, lame jokes and insults and others of that ilk.  It just seems immature.

Political campaign stickers just end up looking funny ten years later.  I wonder if all those vehicular politicians are still glad they chose to mar their car with something that becomes essentially meaningless in 4 years.

Stickers that have so much small text on them you would have to be 2 feet away to read it are just ridiculous.  Why would you put it in a place that no one will be close enough to read it?  Brand name stickers aren’t as cool as you think they are, either.

And the “My child is an honor student” stickers are just a little pretentious, don’t you think?  It’s one thing to brag to your close friends and acquaintances about your children’s academic prowess; it’s quite another to brag to a stranger behind you on the freeway.  And it’s worse when the sticker is on some Lexus or BMW SUV.  That’s just rubbing salt in the wound.

And bullet hole stickers.  I mean, really?!

And finally, some cars are just not meant to have bumper stickers on them.  Like a Jaguar, for example.  I bring this up because, on the way home from work today, I ended up behind a classic Jag in pretty good condition with three bumper stickers on it.  One of them said something about a Tax Revolt 2009 (political – one strike) the others were small and unintelligible (two strikes).  The third strike is that THEY WERE ON A JAGUAR!  I guess some people just don’t appreciate high quality automobiles the way I do.

And to end this post, I want to give a shout out to the civil rights warriors out there who drive hatchbacks covered in bumper stickers that say “Meat is Murder” and “Save a Tree, Wipe Your Butt With A Logger” and so on.  To you I say, first, I admire much of what you stand for, keep up the good work; second, I wouldn’t be caught dead in your car; and lastly, don’t stop putting stickers on your car, even though you’ve broken all my bumper sticker rules, it’s a lot of fun to see you and your stickers.

Hopefully, I don’t have too many readers who love bumper stickers!

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5 responses

12 12 2009
Lisa

Uncle Fred refuses to put a bumper sticker on any car we have even if the car is very, very old. I have no problem with that.

12 12 2009
kira

I love alumni stickers!

12 12 2009
Flora

Yeah I hate bumper stickers, they just look tacky. Get all the bumper stickers you want but keep them in a box or tacked on your wall. Don’t mar your bumper.

16 12 2009
Fred

That is true. I refuse to put a bumper sticker on my car. It just looks tacky. I’m with you however on those twenty year old cars covered with bumper stickers. It is good entertainment.

17 12 2009
Lester Leavitt

A nicely placed rainbow flag and the requisite HRC “=” sign on our cars have helped Mickey and I stand out on a campus with 28,000 students. Related to this is another fact. In half of my classes I have taken at FAU I have helped a closeted gay or lesbian student come out publicly and admit for the first time to a room full of people that had finally been deemed “safe” to them because they first had a chance to see an “out” person in that class. The reaction that others had toward me allowed them to feel safe as well.

Social justice advocacy has it’s place on the bumpers of cars too. The risk that a wing-nut Christian acting in the name of his “God” might key my car or smash a window is worth taking if just by seeing my car with those stickers on it allows a gay student to stand a little taller.

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